Where do I begin…
HUGE night for me last night at Crossfit. I FINALLY surpassed that dang green BAND! The workout was Helen: 3 rounds of a 400m run (in 86 degree temperatures mind you), 21 kettlebell swings (with a 25# weight), and 12 pullups. I typically use the green band for pull ups (the band that gives the most assistance), but Danny took one look at my set of 3 pull ups and told me I was ready for the blue band (a lot less help). I looked at him like he was crazy (at least that’s what I was THINKING), and said, “Danny, there are 12 pull ups at a time in this workout…” and he said, “Yeah, if you can do three sets of four pullups that easy on the green band, you can do four sets of three on the blue band…now hop to it”, as he reaches down to stretch the band for me so I can step in. I step in, still VERY unsure of my strength…and boom…one was easy. I looked at Danny and said, “Danny! I just got realllllllllllly excited inside right there!!!” I freakin’ did a pull up with the BLUE BAND!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Freak out!!! 😀 Took me 16:23 to finish all three rounds…and you can bet your bum that I am DANG proud of that too! BLUE BAND!!!! Thank you Danny 🙂 You always push me when I don’t think I have it in me…I appreciate that 🙂
So this morning I woke up at 5am. I told you that I would start my “Add More ~ing To Your Life” side project, and I did. The task was to look at feelings I had/have that hold me back from happiness. Negative thoughts. I was supposed to sit quietly with those thoughts, and analyze the HELL out of them. Why do I feel this? What does it feel like? Does it have a shape? Is it attached to a person, a time? etc. At first I wasn’t feeling so hot about it, to be honest. However, should I really expect that I was going to feel great the first day when I was literally TRYING to stir up negative feelings that I may have been harboring deep down? No! No way! So I sat with my thought for what felt like a long time after Nick left for work. I started writing. I realized some things that tend to cause dissatisfaction for myself. I sometimes do not think I am smart enough. I sometimes have inadequacy issues. I am a perfectionist. I feel like I need to be perfect at everything the first time I do it.Super unrealistic I know… I think I have realized that due to that perfectionist outlook, I hold expectations of others that are far too high, and unfairly unrealistic. This makes me demanding of people at times. Argh, this is really hard for me to write right now…because I DO tend to care what people think at times, and there’s a possibility you could think less of me for writing that…but I’m going to take my chances.
So after I figured out those ugly little things about myself, I had to write positive affirmations that were the OPPOSITES for each of these. So I started, “I AM intelligent.” “I do not need to be perfect. I am a work in progress, progression, not perfection”, etc. I was going to stop there for the day, because the next step was adding movement to these affirmations, and I felt I was running out of time. In the end, however, I decided to turn on some tunes and dance (this was the suggested movement for releasing these negative feelings. She said that sometimes these negative feelings are so buried deep in us that we have to PHYSICALLY move them through us at times). I am so glad that I did this. Here is where you may find me dorky, but I’m willing to take the risk. I started dancing, in my living room, saying these positive affirmations out loud. Then it got easier, and more emotional. I got emotional. I realize that all is not solved in a day, but I can see how doing this every day for 30 days WILL make a difference. I started saying affirmations that I had not even written DOWN! I am strong. I am beautiful as I am today. I am a work in progress that will only get better with each day that goes by, but I am beautiful as I am today. The more I danced, the more I believed it; the more passionate I felt; the stronger (emotionally and physically) I felt. It was honestly a REALLY beautiful thing.
So, I will revisit this tomorrow morning, and for the rest of these 30 days. I look forward to what each day will bring 🙂 Happy Thursday everyone 🙂