Even still, every now and then I have a super down-on-me day. Yesterday (Friday) we did a huge group workout, and the workout of the day was:
400 m run
30 box jumps (20”/24”)
30 wall balls (16/20)
When I was writing the workout on the board, beneath the WOD I wrote “do your best, listen to your body, and the only person you should be comparing yourself to is your former self.” I wrote this for everyone, including myself. I presently struggle with comparison to others; usually in everyone else’s favor.
Welp. I finished dead last in the workout; down on all fours on the gym floor, head in my hands. Complete and utter exhaustion was upon me. Once I could compose myself enough to walk over to the filing cabinet to grab my journal, I headed straight for the outdoors. As soon as I sat down, tears started to spill. Before I continue, in my defense, I think I tend to handle the release of stress/emotions through exercise; I have had many a good cries on the side of the road mid-run, let me tell you. So, I started to get emotional, feeling frustrated that STILL after 2 years of doing Crossfit, I feel like I’m still always finishing last. I moved to California, started talking about Crossfit with the Innate Crew, and they start doing it, and somehow I’m still always last. Yeah, yeah, someone has to be last…but I guess I just don’t want it to be me EVERY SINGLE TIME. Plus, I feel with the upcoming Crossfit cert, everyone is so focused on getting Innate up to speed on the movements that I’m no longer getting any pointers, when I OBVIOUSLY need them, since I’m taking the longest to get the work done…or at least this is how I was seeing it :-p
So, in the past, I may have just continued to sit there feeling pity and utter discouragement for myself (this is a blog of honesty people… haha), but suddenly, as if an angel appeared, I hear the sweet voice of Jim Rohn pop into my thoughts:
“Don’t ask for less problems…ask for more skills!”
That is EXACTLY what I decided to do! I went back into the gym and asked Nick to help me (I would be lying if I said there were no emotional words that came out of me first, I am ME after all…). After a grueling workout, I found myself doing box jump after box jump, correcting my form (with Nick’s help, thank you love). I, against my ego’s will, had to go down to the smaller box to learn how to correctly link my jumps without my knees turning in like a little girl that has to pee (do you get that visual? :-p).
I’m not proud of the fact that I still have these days…at all. When I’m being logical, I recognize that everyone I’m working out with has been working out their entire life, and I’ve been doing this for two years; so, everyone else is a little further along in the game than me.
I’ll tell you what though, it’s at the end of a workout, when everyone else is done and journaling, and I’m still box-jumping that I feel it the most. I NEVER thought I would say this is a million years, but I actually miss people being in my face cheering me on. I realized yesterday how much I miss that, and need that.
So, if you see me working hard, and I look like I’m about to keel over…do NOT be afraid to get in my face and yell/cheer/coach me through it…and I promise, I PROMISE, I’ll do the same for you.
Friday’s workout: “Kelly”
400 m run
30 box jumps (20”/24”)18” box, we don’t yet have a 20”
30 wall balls (16/20) 16 pounder
Finished in 30:12
10 rounds for time
15 deadlifts (rx’d for men was 135#, probably 95# for women…I used 75#)
15 pushups (did first round on toes, and part of second…rest on knees)
It blew me away that a woman (an elite Crossfitter) finished this in 13 minutes, WITH rx’d weight!
…I’d PAY to see that!
With love and gratitude,